The recent entry into the “Ethan Core Book Club” (this isn’t a thing but let me know if it should), was The Inner Game of Music by Barry Green and W. Timothy Gallwey (the author of The Inner Game of Tennis) and found it incredibly enjoyable. I’m actually quite guilty of judging a book by its cover, because I got it (from a second-hand book store) thinking that it was about the “game” of analysis or composition. It seemed to be perfect fodder for an Ethan Essay (I didn’t even realize it was inspired by a book about tennis).
Imagine my surprise when it was about how to become a better performing musician. This wasn’t a bad thing though and it ended up being a great read nonetheless. The theme of the book is how to “beat” your inner game against insecurity and anxiety and delve deep into your instincts and develop a sense of self-awareness to build confidence and ultimately express your musical intentions through performance. Green mentions developing clear goals, both for performance and practicing, which can be achieved through internal exercises. One of which was to develop a narrative in the music to help you get more connected and aware of what the music is asking for us. Sound familiar?
The section that I found most applicable was its chapter on Teaching and Learning, specifically regarding the issues with “Do This” Instructions. Green mentions that specific “do this” instructions are bound to lead a student or newcomer to problems. This is because they may not understand the context of an instruction and may therefore not be able to see how they can produce desired results in their own way. They might get caught up in semantics or may just end up disagreeing with instructions outright. Even if it can produce decent results, “Do This” instructions create a sense of dependency between the learner and the teacher. Green goes on to say that “when these students need to ‘go it alone’ in the world outside, they may find it a difficult adjustment to make. They haven’t been taught to solve problems, listen to the music they are making or to draw on other sources for additional understanding”.
Instead, Green presents an alternative: Awareness Instructions. These type of instructions are built on experience, to encourage a student’s ability to “learn by noticing what’s happening”. Green maintains that this isn’t about a “right” or “wrong” way to go about things or complex steps to remember for the sake of the tradition. It’s about finding the most comfortable way to get to the end result (music) that you intend. Through awareness exercises, students are meant to pay attention to what’s happening through what they’re doing.
Of course, it’s patently obvious that most awareness instructions are simply “do this” instructions in disguise. But that’s entirely the point. Green says that we need to rephrase how we approach instruction and feedback in order to create a more intuitive musician. Yes, it’s important to tell a student to “play a this section forte as written but also don’t be too loud”, but it makes more sense to encourage the student to have an awareness through saying instead, “pay attention to the dynamics of this section but ensure that you are still able to hear the distinct notes”.
The end result may be the same, but the approach is different. The awareness instruction allows the student to internalize their experience of the music and to develop their own tools (with a teacher’s guidance) to achieve their goal.
Obviously, this wasn’t exactly what I expected but it was incredibly applicable to menswear. Again, this was mostly about performing rather than composition (which is how I like to describe my approach to menswear), but much of the advice and suggestions in the book echoed my long time thoughts around menswear culture. This hobby and subculture has been built upon years of “do this” instructions; you might even say that it’s a part of the tradition. Most menswear communities are built on this “teacher and beginner” dynamic that purports to show shortcuts to style: “if you just buy this jacket you’ll instantly look good”. But that doesn’t have to be the case forever.
In a world with a demise of dress codes and the freedom to wear whatever we want (within reason), perhaps it’s time for us to re-evaluate how we approach feedback in menswear.
I have always been fascinated with the concept of feedback, critique, and advice within menswear. I am not talking about high critiques of culture or society but rather the personal stuff, the ones centered around improving one’s style, as nebulous as it sounds. If dressing well can be considered a skill, surely one way to get “better” at it is by receiving feedback or critique. This is certainly played up when we start to consider it a form of communication; we have classes on that as well as writing and speechgiving. However I still maintain that dressing well is at its core, a personal endeavor that can’t be reduced to pushing objectivity and a top-down “do this” direction.
This is all because one of the most fascinating and nerve wracking elements about clothing is that it serves as the sort of “physical expression” of your taste. Making outfits is (or can be) an intimate act with self-defined goals which can make it hard to figure out what to do with feedback.. Whether it’s a specific garment or a holistic outfit, your style and the garments you wear/put together encompass what you enjoy, what your priorities are, and what you want to say to the world, all in varying degrees. The world knows this, which is why outfits have largely moved away from being a pragmatic way to fit into a context (work attire, date attire) and instead has become an empowering, creative challenge for us to express whatever it is we want to express. This is what makes menswear a bit different from musical performance.
In that way, this push toward subjectivity can almost seem like a good reason to do away with feedback or at least makes helpful suggestions difficult to follow or apply. Championing personal approaches tends to be reduced to “anything goes”, so even helpful critiques can seem moot. Why rain on parades or yuck anyone’s yum? With the demise of dress codes, what even are the rubrics for a “good” outfit? Does feedback have a place in the current landscape of menswear hobbyists and online communities?
I believe it does! Feedback is one of the biggest components of regular menswear community discourse, whether it’s coming from beginners getting thoughts on their outfits or from regulars who want to style something new or hone their POV. This is why the way we approach, provide it, and ask for feedback is allowed to be reframed.
This whole thing can no longer be about pursuing an objective ideal or about the rules. This is mainly because a lot of it simply no longer applies, at least not in the way it did before. At its worst, a “classic” approach to feedback and critique creates a dependency for beginners and current enthusiasts alike to look toward the top for their answers on what moves to do, instead of developing (and eventually trusting) their own connections to fashion. In order to have an engaged and sustainable community, we need to actively build a group of peers rather than simply a top-down dynamic of teachers and learners.
I previously penned ideas about critique and championing a “learned audience” in my blogpost on Aaron Copland and his essays, but it was clear that I needed to expand on it. And after reading The Inner Game of Music, I think I have enough to fully explain how I think it’s best to approach feedback and instruction in menswear, specifically toward the goals of developing a POV and honing that expression. This is how I define Personal Style.
So here we are with this dedicated blog post, made in it the hope that invites a more personal and ultimately positive approach to feedback and critique for both those seeking it and the ones who give it. It’s also a big discussion on the podcast, which you can listen to HERE or at the end of the blog post.
The Importance of Having a Goal
One of the first steps to getting the most effective feedback is by having a clear goal for your outfit. As I said before, this “goal” has evolved to be more personal and interest based rather than being based in strict formality or a pursuit of “objectivity”. Whatever the case may be, it helps to have an actual idea of what you want to look/dress like.
Having this immediately helps us figure out what feedback is actually useful, allowing us to weed through feedback that doesn’t help us achieve this goal. If I intend to dress in a way that references 1930’s styles, a suggestion for a smaller collar or a slimmer pant will not be useful to me. In that same way, if we aim to be ivy or preppy, a suggestion against white socks and penny loafs is moot.
Of course, not every goal is as simple as dressing after a period or even a subculture. In this age, goals can be nuanced and vague the more we get into “vibe” based dressing. What does it mean to dress “smart” or “slouchy”? Our POV, which can contain references to vintage or subculture, will always be a helpful guide as the tools to achieve the vibe, but sometimes we need more direction from our compatriots.
To be clear, goals aren’t necessarily required to be specific..While someone may have an idea of what they want to express, we can’t expect everyone to know how to put a vibe into easily explainable words. Goals can also shift or be honed based on feedback discussions! But this doesn’t mean a poster needs to sit back and let people throw feedback at him ad infinitum in the hope that something will make sense.
If awareness is the key to understanding constructive feedback and advice, then we should always strive to articulate what it is we want. Thankfully there’s something out there that helps communicate what words count by a thousand fold: a photo reference.
Having a Reference or Two
If clothing is a way for us to express (or dress as) our taste, then inspo images may very well “be” our taste. That sentiment may not really make much sense, but inspo pics are incredibly useful. It could be an old photograph of a celebrity or man on the street, an illustration in a magazine, a runway snap, or even someone else’s fit pic. Whatever it happens to be, an image serves to show others as well as ourselves what vibe we want to achieve. It turns our goal into something tangible..or at least visible.
Using a photo as a reference for feedback and critique makes the whole thing easy because it essentially turns into a game of “spot the difference”. It lets us know exactly what we’ve gotten right so far or what we may be missing. It may not even be about what we need to add or buy. Having a comparison photo allows one to know how proportions play together or how something is intended to drape. As JTR said in our discord, “Without reference images, it can be easy to dress to an imagined version that misses key elements rather than the actual thing you originally loved.”
Of course the challenge would then be to find a singular photo that encapsulates the vibe that you want. Such a photo may not exist. But then again, no one said that you had to use only one example! You can always make an album or share a plethora of images. Gathering images that help explain your intended or aspirational expression is actually one of the most fun parts of this clothing hobby (that doesn’t involve shopping, mind you).
With your slew of images, you can then explain what you want from one thing and what you want from the other, making it easier for others (and yourself) to get a sense of just what it is you want. Perhaps you want to dress in a suit and tie but you want the feeling to be like Indiana Jones (there are indeed photos of Harrison Ford looking quite cool and slouchy in a suit, but that’s besides the point). In any case, having reference images at the ready will help explain what you want to achieve, giving yourself a visibly-tangible (lol) point to correct or alter for the photo.
The use of references should also be encouraged to come from the other side, where a feedback-giver may be able to provide additional examples to what you have in order to help hone your intended goal. Sharing inspo becomes a language in itself. When words fail, images reign supreme.
This is also why I believe that fit pics are important for anyone interested in getting “better” at dressing. Yes, such content can be used to show off and display participation in a subculture, but they can also be used as a reference for yourself. It may be hard to compare a fit in the mirror to an inspiration image; turning yourself into an image will only assist you in your pursuit of the look or vibe that you want. After all, most menswear communities (and feedback/critique) are found on the internet, which means you’ll have to have a photo of yourself anyway!
All this to say that photos aren’t meant to fully replace words or rather, thoughts. Even if images can certainly do a lot in communicating our intentions and actionable feedback, we should still strive to know the context and history behind fashion and style moves. It’s important to know why an outfit appears “slouchy” or why certain subgenres of style have sex appeal or are trussed up and formal. We need to be able to put something critical behind our thoughts and emotions, which is why we should strive to gain awareness of self (or at least what we do and what our intentions are) and the wider world of fashion “semiotics”.
Being Aware & Learned
In order to be open to feedback and to know what their goal is, a poster should strive to be as aware and learned as possible.
A call for awareness is a reminder to be conscious of what you’re doing and what you’re putting out there. It is an invitation for you to take a good look at yourself and your goals/inspirations and pay attention to how everything plays with each other. It could be how a slim trouser plays with a trouser and learning what amount of break is appropriate for your look. Or a wide, structured shoulder and slim waist can create a powerful and even sexy silhouette.
This can be done by thoughtful analysis of our inspiration photos as well as ourselves when we get tangible with our clothes; this is why it’s always good to try on garments and take photos as much as possible. Being aware should encourage you at your outfits as a holistic combination of details that either aid or detract in achieving your goal, much like understanding how a certain fingering method gets a better (or worse) sound from a piano.
Being “learned” (a dumb term but useful) is simply about understanding that everything in fashion is coded: blazers are preppy, fedoras feel 1930s. Even individual items are coded thanks to their details: mid-rise, slim fit chinos are very modern bizcaz, wide fit chinos can spin milsurp/workwear, and pleated chinos can bring about classic menswear (or old Ralph Lauren or J. Crew) feeling. This all because clothing is seldom “agnostic”; each garment is pointed toward something, which is why it helps to understand what these references are and where they come from in order to understand why things can give off the vibe they do.
This is quite easy to do with music, where you notice how certain instruments, chords, melodies lend themselves to being “read” as jazz or country music; let’s not forget that there is quite a difference between Baroque and Romantic music. Being aware of this element within clothing/menswear not only helps us hone our expressive goals but invites us to build on our taste for what we wear and aim to buy in general.
I want to make it clear building Awareness should not solely rely on the asker/beginner to come in with an open/inquisitive mind, but for others more established to help in expanding their minds. Power users and old-heads should jump in the conversation with kindness and share their own ways of looking at details or the connections that they’ve developed over time. There shouldn’t be any gatekeeping— this should be treated as open-source code so that others can hone their taste with confidence and context.
This is all meant to emphasize the “why” behind not simply our suggestions and feedback, but behind the entirety of menswear. We should all strive to remove the idea that we do this for the sake of arbitrary tradition or because “it’s just what we do”. And even if we are biased and certainly believe in a “Do This” instruction, that doesn’t mean we have to state it as such. I believe that every menswear suggestion or idea can be reframed as an awareness exercise. Reframing everything in a way that builds awareness is important, whether it’s about trouser fit or honing on a POV. It’s the only way to get understanding of what your goals are and what actionable steps you can do to achieve it.
I myself try to do this as much as possible, though I’m obviously refining my approach each time. For example, the idea behind Button-Pocket Harmony is meant to encourage you to think about proportions on a garment (in respect to its own design) as well as the proportions of your overall outfit. It’s not a requirement by any means, but it’s meant to serve as an example of taste and a critical eye for yourself.
Indeed, both awareness and being learned will always rely on subjective experience and the emotional connections we make between our garments and the world we inhabit. This just means that awareness will hone in over time. However, we can’t forget that all of it can still be rooted in existing elements of design as well as in history! You don’t need to approach this in a hardcore, scholarly way, but having an inquisitive and open mind is always a plus when it comes to honing expression. But of course, discourse is a great way to supplement or even enhance Awareness.
It’s good to keep in mind that any hobby based community (and menswear has a lot of them, especially online) will have its own biases and “taste canon. They are subcultures after all and are defined by how they utilize or create their own codified style moves. It may be obvious with groups like “Vintage Menswear (pre 1960s)” or “Ivy-Style”, but even MFA has had a discernible uniform. Be aware that this will skew any advice you get, no matter how friendly it is.
This can sound like a lot of work to build Awareness, but trust me when I say that this is fine. It’s okay if you aren’t there yet. No one ever really is. That’s because it’s an ongoing journey with so numerous learning opportunities. The more you experience other people, check out stores, and see various expressions, you will gain the knowledge to help hone your awareness and knowledge of history/references. To me, Awareness Exercises aims to build intuition in a natural way.
In the end, the experiences and connotations gained from Awareness Exercises gets placed on a Spectrum of References, with each outfit or detail being categorized as being closer or further from our intended expression. It is the hope that with gaining awareness and “knowledge”, subjective as it is, you will be able to ask the right questions in order to get the right direction for what your expressive goals are.
Asking Questions
In the end, all of this is meant to lead a poster into asking the right questions in order to get the right answers. There are obviously no stupid questions, as each one is an opportunity to become more learned and gain awareness of what you’re doing. Even if you’re not conscious about these things just yet, others may have a better insight and can therefore point you in the right direction. But at the very least, we should strive to ask as best of a question as possible and show our goals, that way others can provide the best type of feedback.
That’s why I believe that asking if someone “likes” an outfit or if you “look good” isn’t the right way to put it. Not only is this vague, but it also frames the goal in trying to achieve someone else’s taste rather than your own. Of course this may entirely be the point if you want to dress after or be inspired by a subculture (Ivy, MFA, etc).
An Asker should frame the question in terms of their goals and provide context– a healthy amount of awareness and being a bit learned will help you be specific. If your intention is to dress as the 70s, it will help you to know what aesthetic details make up a 70s outfit and then ask for feedback accordingly (what to get tailored, what patterns to buy, etc). This can also apply if you want something a bit more vibe focused and nuanced, such as dressing to be “relaxed but in vintage” or “sleek but firmly casual”. Of course, photos will help here as well!
Askers should also keep in mind that your questions are being put in the right place or to the right people. It is true that certain communities will have a bit of an insular “taste canon” as they tend to be subcultures of their own with their own style and POV. If you ask a question about basics in an ivy forum, you will get that POV in your suggestions. Even in the wider fashion-mfer world, the idea of “personal style” is already coded into something that mixes designer clothing with ideas of classic menswear (it’s bookcore) so don’t be surprised if EG, Story MFG, Bode, and ALD come up often. This isn’t a problem as those designers/styles are cool, but you should only follow it if it fits what you want to look like. This is why having clear goals and a POV are so important; it will help you frame your questions and where to place them accordingly.
To be clear, it isn’t necessary to have a precise question right away, but if you have a vague question, you may get a bunch of follow ups to structure discussion. This is an opportunity for others to jump in. In fact, I’d even say that it’s the duty of others more learned to ask their own questions, in order to help provide focus and clarity.
With a jaunty and insightful back-and-forth, this may even result in a deeper discussion than originally thought and may even delve into the existential. This is a good thing and should be looked upon as such by both the asker and the giver. Because in the end, this theme of self reflection, identity, and awareness is exactly what we’re after. Getting dressed, at least with the hobby of menswear, is ultimately about figuring out what it is you want to look like and how to express it.
Getting to the right type of feedback through constant questions on both sides is the only way to hone one’s taste and ultimately help the poster gain an understanding of themselves and the tools on how to achieve the look they want. The point is to sharpen instinct and direction while keeping an eye on history and existing references, so that they start to make personal choices with a better idea on what they want to achieve.
How Did I Learn?
All of my beliefs about feedback and awareness stem from my own experience developing my own personal style. And as you could expect, a lot of it was built on Awareness.
While I was in a few menswear communities and certainly asked my fair share of questions, I always felt like it was lacking in the answers that I wanted. It didn’t matter if it was in a modern or a vintage group; advice or feedback was always given as a “do this” instruction. There wasn’t a focus on personal style or expression, it was just about formality. On top of that, forums were like the Wild West, where unsolicited feedback was given very often. Sometimes it was helpful but other times, they were confusing as they were inapplicable or just straight up mean. Thank God for having thick skin!
Obviously, I knew that everyone was just trying to help the way that was typical for the internet. Following this straightforward advice would have been fine…if not for the fact that I knew something was lacking. I still wasn’t looking the way I wanted. So instead of being discouraged, I knew I had to reframe my approach.
Instead of aiming for a “do this answer”, I trained myself to ask “awareness” questions in order to understand the core behind a style or detail. I also wanted to make sure that I shared what my intentions were, using photo references to fill in gaps. Rapidly, I found myself learning more through conversation (instead of blunt questions) with peers and friends or by wearing/touching garments in person and examining what was going on. I would then translate this to my “homework”, by which I mean looking at my own garments and reference images, building my ability to show just what I wanted to achieve with my clothes instead of a fleeting, abstract ideal.
I soon figured out that the “right” answers were about expressing my own POV and goal and that I should take the proper steps to get there. The best feedback was the one that helped express what I wanted in a way that felt natural or accessible to me. It was about building emotional connections and a critical eye through Awareness Exercises. It didn’t even result in an insular bubble (though YMMV), as I believe this approach to feedback helped me gain an appreciation for a variety of styles. In the end, this is what made it personal to me and turned this whole thing into something I enjoy instead of just a way to not-be-naked.
As I’ve written countless times before, I believe that a personal, awareness-first approach to dressing is important in developing a close connection to your clothes. It is the main way I approach anyone asking me for advice or feedback.
If you guys have ever seen me give advice (either on various Discords or if I’m answering you in my DMS) I am always asking the advice-seeker questions all in the aim of building awareness and hone their expressive goals. It always goes deeper than either of us expect, but I can’t think of any other way in order to get to that emotional connection that sustains a personal style far more than seeking an objective or pragmatic “truth”. Even though there are “right” answers that are the most effective in our goals, the idea is that we still need to make space for subjectivity, what we like. And plus, I always feel like people do have a sense of taste— they just need some guidance on how to articulate it, both in discussion and ultimately execution.
After all, one of the themes of the blog is about finding the right way to show what I like and why. Everything is an opportunity to learn and hone your critical eye. All of my strong preferences are always rooted in something that someone can experience and learn from, making each suggestion to [hopefully] amount to more than just a “do this” instruction. I know that it can sound obligatory or like a hard-lined rule, but it really isn’t. I’m just an example– I simply want to encourage others to develop their own critical eye and use it to guide their inherent POV.
Obviously this type of approach goes against the fast answer world we live in, where advice is engineered to be simple and repeatable in order to go viral. But my hot take is that answers don’t need to be quick. Developing personal style and making a good outfit is like music, art, or any other creative endeavors, should be a slow, intentional process. Sure, some connections and steps can happen quickly (such as becoming enamored with a type of fit or pattern), but in the grand scheme of things, newbies should be aware that these things can take time. In fact, it’s better that way, if the goal is have a deeper connection with our clothes and expressive exercises.
Of course thats why menswear advice and awareness exercises are best given not as blog posts but in actual back-and-forth conversation. This is where menswear communities shine, even if they end up being a bit of a bubble. But when directed feedback or critique is needed (as opposed to general mantras or attempting to discern their canon from OOTDs and inspo), I believe that this is best done in dedicated channels, rather than in general fit pic chats.
I implemented this early on in the Style & Direction discord, creating a separate thread and labeling it as a “Feedback Thunderdome”. It’s a place that cautions posters that this is a place specifically for feedback. While this may sound intimidating, it’s actually been successful in promoting an honest and wholesome way of approaching feedback while still compartmentalizing conversations; I know that other communities (like MFA) also have similar channels. Again, these all function as subcultures; they shouldn’t be seen as the place for objective guidance.
Of course, the whole point of that channel, this blog, and my conversations with friends or randos about menswear, is about promoting Awareness focused feedback in order to lessen discouragement and provide targeted personal direction in a world of quick, pragmatic answers and nebulous advice. In the end, the best rubric for advice or feedback (or hell even my goals in general) was to think that if I would still think the suggested outfit is cool even if I saw it on a different person walking down the street. It’s about reinforcing your taste and POV!
As the composer and music teacher (of various famous 20th century composers) Nadia Boulanger said during an interview about Aaron Copeland, “the teacher must respect the personality of the student and the student must submit to what makes life possible: order, rigor, and freedom.”
While I don’t necessarily aim to be a teacher, coach, or stylist, it is clear that my desire to be helpful means to step into those roles. And as such, it is my aim that this blog post is useful to menswear guys at all stages of their journey, whether you’re just starting out or you’re established and looking to make a combination you haven’t tried yet.
-end of blog post-
Spencer, MJ, and I also discuss Feedback and Advice on the podcast. We get into it a little bit more, by sharing stories of the best advice we’ve received and how we approach helping others who ask us. It’s a great episode that runs a little long but is hopefully helpful (or interesting) to all menswear guys. Take a listen above!
Podcast Outline
- 15:27 Topic Start
- 20:01 Was Feedback Important to You Early On?
- 32:21 Defining Feedback/Critique
- 41:27 Having the “Right” Sources of Feedback
- 52:21 How to Get Advice
- 1:04:05 Self-Awareness
- 1:15:25 How We Give Advice
- 1:24:26 Critiquing Ourselves
- 1:34:53 Wrap-up
Post Script
As I finished writing this post, I ended up being provided with the best example of why we need to reframe Menswear Advice: this tiktok.
It’s a silly video where Matty asks for feedback on his admittedly pretty good menswear fit consisting of a classic fit houndstooth (or textured weave jacket), white shirt, tie, military chinos, and a cap. Naturally, thanks to the huge fashion mfer (read: enthusiast/hobbyist) community on Tiktok, Matty’s video went pretty viral with many compatriots sharing their feedback through comments or videos.
But what was interesting to me is that most of the advice shared was the typical stuff we see across all menswear media: a top-down, instructional offering that really focuses on elements of “fit” such as sleeve or jacket length. There was a few comments about the jacket being a sportcoat (not a suit jacket) and how the tie width should match the lapel width. But that was it!
While there was nothing wrong with that advice , I feel like its only half the battle. Let’s take Matty’s tie for instance: it is slim as well as being shiny, smooth, and black. It’s awkward inclusion in a 2020s-does-90s celeb airport fit is not just because his tie is too slim for his lapels, but because all of the details together make his tie looks like something from a 2010s prom. Telling Matty to just go wider without explaining the connotations of shiny ties may have him think that wearing this is better. No! We there is more to a “good tie” or even a good tie than just widths. And the use of these details and nuanced expression is what makes menswear a style, just like how the use of certain chords and progressions makes something jazz instead of rock.
There will always be a place for straight forward advice and thankfully, there will never be a shortage of it. To be clear, I do think its a good thing that menswear advice and blogs have taken after the essential texts like Flusser’s Dressing The Man or the various writings by G. Bruce Boyer, David Coggins, or A Continuous Lean. But at this stage, I believe the new age of newcomers need more than that.
This is because they aren’t new grads looking to wear a suit for the office; Matty clearly isn’t that. He and the new generation are Fashion Mfers— they want to wear suits, ties, and button ups for fun. These guys are clearly going for an intentional look and not just doing basic office or event attire. They are the learned-amateur. They need Awareness of the context and nuance to build up their own intuition and taste.
It is for them that we should consider how we approach Menswear Advice!
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Buh-bye!
Ethan M. Wong (follow me on IG)| StyleandDirection
The Podcast is produced by MJ.
a little bit of rest 
