If this blog had one tradition, it would be Friendsgiving.  It’s the only thing that’s been consistent for the past decade (I’ve skipped a few Inspirations and Dapper Days). That’s because this casual, annual gathering of friends before (or after) Thanksgiving with family is indeed quite special to me, mainly because, well, I love seeing my friends! Yes, I do see my pals quite a bit (drinks, coffee, trivia, da movies), but there’s something unique about Friendsgiving itself. 

Despite a usually sizeable attendance and casual vibe, Friendsgiving still provides an intimate and intentional feeling. It’s a bit more “to do” than a weekly movie night, without being as wild as a party (which seems to be happening more often as of late). There’s the potluck aspect, where everyone is encouraged not to simply buy, but to make. In Jay and Deb’s approach, there’s always a soft dress code (it’s more like a theme) that invites a bit of participation through intentionality. And then of course, there’s just the spirit of it all,  a wholesome repose to sit back and enjoy time with our found families. It reminds me of the Early Fall attitude, where it’s about embracing the slow interlude, before going Full Send into the winter holidays (which is where I truly lose my friends to travel/family). Friendsgiving is its own thing, and I truly look forward to it every year– as well as what I get to wear for it! 

Mel’s Etheral Friendsgiving

Now, 2025 has been quite noteworthy in that I was able to attend multiple Friendsgivings! I usually have a singular friend group, so it’s only natural that this is the main one I go to because everyone I would see would be there as well. Why host your own when Jay is already so adept at it? But thanks to my new friend Mel, whom I’ve gotten very close to over the course of this year, I was very grateful to add her iteration to the list. 

Unlike Jay and Deb’s dinner, which I’ll get to in a moment, there wasn’t a stated theme. However, the evening still had a discernible vibe, not just due to everyone’s attire (Mel and her roommate Erika looked quite ethereal in their light colored gowns and slips), but because Mel and her roommate’s apartment is well decorated with an intentional attitude. With the numerous mirrors, antique frames, and a plethora of accoutrements and disjointed bric-a-brac, the entire place had a bohemian, witchy vibe (much like Mel herself). This was upheld by the fact that the only source of light was the myriad of real candles placed on every table and shelf (don’t tell the fire marshal). It certainly looked dramatic, but the energy was still one of levity and friendship. The sangria and multiple bottles of wine also helped (as well as the very delicious home-made food that everyone brought). 

Outside, the Marty Supreme blimp flew overhead, propelled by the echoing soundwaves of Camp Flog Gnaw rolling over those Echo Park hills. I guess if Jay’s Friendsgiving has an OC vibe, then Mel’s certainly had an LA one. 

But as different as this was from Jay’s tradition, the evening still ended in a typical Ethan fashion, by which I mean we all had an intense karaoke session. This was the first time I’ve ever done home karaoke outside of my birthday, as we typically book a room (in my favorite place, which shall remain nameless) with a select group of friends who are already down. With a regular party or gathering, you don’t know if everyone will be into it, let alone the musical songs that I tend to do. But of course, Mel is Filipino, and Erika has worked in theatre productions– I was in good company. Mel bodied selections from Rent and Les Misérables like nobody’s business! James and Claire were also in attendance, so the theatre kids weren’t alone, but they also helped push for the typical pop-punk karaoke standards. I’m just surprised that I didn’t lose my voice!

Despite my relatively impromptu attendance at Mel’s Friendsgiving (Jay sends his out over a month in advance to get ahead of people’s travel plans), I made a point to dress in service of it. Since there wasn’t a theme, I took it upon myself to make something that was decidedly Fall. Not in layers, mind you (as things have warmed up slightly), but in palette. That meant my green cotton DB suit (which hadn’t made a Friendsgiving appearance until now) paired with a yellow checked shirt and a yellow-and-orange plaid tie. 

It would have been too easy for me to do green +yellow the ivy-way (aka, using a yellow OCBD), but I prompted myself to make something a bit more sporty and fun (Friendsgiving, duh), so here we are! I was initially concerned that the plaid-on-plaid would have been too much (or that it would be too much yellow), but it ended up being very pleasant; the “closed-up” nature of the DB certainly helps to ground the patterns. And looking back, my outfit even serves as an echo of what I wore to Friendsgiving 2023. Cultural Patina! 

Multiple people (both IRL and online) said I was very “Fantastic Mr. Fox”, who doesn’t wear a green suit at all, but I loved the compliment. It was a great fit for Friendsgiving, if I do say so myself, though perhaps due to Mel’s predilection for candles and mirrors, next time I should do something that leans a bit more Cosmus in vibe. 

Going To Paris For Jay

Like last year, Jay continued his approach of providing a theme for Friendsgiving, adding 2025’s glorious list of themed events. Last year’s was Dark Academia, done via fun games and of course, the dress code, which gave everyone more of a reason to wear sweaters, OCBDs, and ties, a bit of another prelude to Cosmus. This time, his Partiful invite was entitled Le Dîner des Amis, and his copy encouraged us all to celebrate fraternié by dressing “vaguely French smart casual”, as if “we’re meeting in the streets of Paris”. 

I loved it. Framing suggested attire as a theme in such a fun way to get people into the Spirit of the festivities without making it feel like a draconian requirement. Of course, it also gives a menswear enthusiast more to go on when creating an outfit outside of “dressing nice”, which, as we know, could mean anything. Themes really help, and after being left to my own devices for Mel’s dinner, I happily welcomed Jay’s prompt. It’s both inspirational and a challenge! 

Now, dressing “French” isn’t something that I usually go for. I do love wearing berets (and have been for years) and certainly wear them very often, but I always feel like it has a more general mid-century European vibe rather than decidedly French (though regular people will tell me that I look Parisian).  Also, my regular attire already inherently feels quite coffee shop coded, if not European (or certainly American East Coast). No, I wanted something a bit more specific, something that leaned more firmly toward the “would be seen in a Parisian bistro” camp while also honoring the Fall Attitude that Friendsgiving normally brings.  

The typical sleek Husbands look, while certainly French, didn’t quite fit as it’s a bit too “Going Out” and a bit too cold/unfriendly. In a similar way, I also decided against simply dressing like Zeffereili from The French Dispatch. Going as a painter by wearing workwear wasn’t what I wanted either, as I wanted to still be “dressed up” and not too casual. In the end, I went with something that I’d consider to be “French Ivy” inspired (as I still don’t know what that means) as well as an outfit that takes after the Bobo” look, expertly illustrated (literally) by Dick Carrol. 

Color was key, I feel, and I used plenty of it through a bold, purple striped point collar shirt (the only Drake’s shirt I own) as well as my trusty yellow lambswool crewneck worn on top (I initially wanted to wear my red one, but not only do I wear that one too often, it also felt too Christmas-y). The vibrant colors were calmed by my navy DB blazer and charcoal grey flannels, both practical trad choices. I, of course, had to bring the Parisian edge back in through the use of black footwear (which always feels French), namely my tall-heeled side zips. The final touch was my jaunty tapestry scarf, worn not with a loose, low-hanging knot, but looped quite tightly around my neck. While I am most certainly off base with how “French” this look would be considered, I do feel like it fits the prompt perfectly; I also just think that the outfit was good! 

I was fully expecting Jay’s chosen theme to be just relegated to the dress code, but I was dead wrong. He and Deb went Full Send with the theme and transformed their living room into a Parisian bistro, complete with a few sets of metal tables and chairs, each with their own (electric) candle that was allowed to flicker and glow to great effect (as the overhead lights were already dimmed). Fall colored garlands, brown leaves, and miniature pumpkins were strewn liberally around the makeshift cafe. Jay’s big TV projected a revolving canvas of old oil paintings while playing a variety of jazz and French rock. It was certainly silly, and the room sent up a bit of a caricature (we are dumb Americans after all), but it was perfect and done with love, making for quite an immersive experience. Their decor also made everyone’s outfits look even cooler!

Spencer was in an Early Fall mood with a crewneck sweater, chambray, and chinos, but expressed the Parisian attitude by way of a beret and, like me, black footwear. His girlfriend Isabella rocked a belted green dress and a goldenrod beret; how Fall of her! MJ had fun with the stereotypical Frenchman look by wearing a Breton striped tee and beret (a classic), but added a chambray, a blazer (to classic up), and a red bandana (for the pop of color). His partner Eden went for a firmly elegant take with a dark skirt and silk blouse; they arrived in MJ’s belted trench coat, which only added to the chic, Parisian-inspired charm. James had on his tried and true grey flared suit, but I won’t lie– he was outclassed by Claire’s ensemble of a black knit top, velvet hat, and red trousers. Jay decided to send up the artist/workwear look and did so with aplomb: he had the Cathcart Artisan jacket over a Breton striped tee and military chinos, accessorized by an abstract design silk scarf and the beret that his old film frat forced him to wear when pledging (an easy challenge for me). Of course, everyone else was also nicely dressed, with everyone looking quite smart and sophisticated, while we enjoyed all of the home-cooked meals (my girlfriend and I made beef stew) and drank French 75s. 

As you can see from the photos, it was indeed a smaller group this time (just under twenty people), but I think we all appreciated that. I’m assuming that Jay would have another Friendsgiving with the other people we normally see each year, but don’t necessarily hang out with regularly; there’s also the fact that Jay’s living room has less room than the multi-purpose room at his old apartment complex. In any case, it was a lovely and much quieter time, something that my 30-year-old self can appreciate. And even if these were people that I normally see, I actually don’t get to hang out with everyone all that often. The days of weekly hangouts are over (well, other than James)! That’s why I actually appreciated the use of individual cafe tables instead of one large table. It made the intimate space feel dynamic as we mingled and moved around; it was much better than being consigned to one spot. 

It goes without saying that this year was Jay’s best Friendsgiving yet; hard to believe that he’s officially been hosting it for a decade! But what I really find amazing is the fact that even as we all get older, my friends still love to have a good party, especially one with a Theme! As I continually move away from Big Menswear (yes, I was at an event with Nick Offerman, but that was the only time anything like that has ever happened) and fashion stuff in general (I don’t really go to fleas anymore), it’s clear that I’d rather make outfits to hang out with my friends.  And that’s why I will always look forward to Friendsgiving every year, whether it’s Jay’s or Mel’s or anyone else who decides to have one. Not only is it a wondrous Occasion to dress for, but it’s also a space set aside for us to celebrate our silly found families— the ones who don’t mind being a bit pretentious and wear a beret and drink an espresso at 8PM (because we’re old and all that wine makes us sleepy).

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Ethan 

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