A few months ago, I was having a discussion in the SaD Patreon Discord about menswear “journalism” and the people they choose to quote. We noticed that outside of designers and shop owners, quoted people are mainly big influencers. When I arrogantly wondered allowed why I haven’t been quoted much in menswear media (at least compared to others), one member bluntly stated that it was because I don’t talk much about products nor do I recommend them. “Publications aren’t looking for quotes about hanging out”, he said (or at least from what I remember).
He isn’t wrong. Obviously, most fashion articles in general are about garments people are and could/should be buying; quotes from influencer tastemakers (who are often known for their recommendations) help move that along. There is also the fact that the more introspection and discussion I do on the blog/pod, the more I realize that my writing (and overall thesis) with this blog is about the idea of Hanging Out and having fun. It just so happens that those things involve clothes, clothes that are coherent with our POV and express what we want to express.
This goes beyond the pragmatism of dressing for our jobs or external occasions; this usually presents an issue as my chosen method of expression is something that most people would not wear for fun. But that’s why my blog needed to address Hanging Out, a space that is (or should be) free from pragmatism. More than half the blog posts on this blog since the beginning have just been reflections on what I do with my friends, menswear or not. In other words, yes, I like talking about having Fashion Friends, standing out among your non-fashion friends, and having fun. Agency of our free time, to create our own Occasions, and a push to just Hang Out is inherent to my entire clothing philosophy.
That is why Sheila Liming’s book, Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time, was a pertinent read for me.
As most of you know, most of the stuff I’ve been reading has been about art criticism and philosophy. While this does further my goal of being the most insufferable person in the room (/s I hope), it has also help me create arguments in favor of advancing classic menswear (mainly tailored clothing) as being considered a fashion choice rather than relegating discussion to only be about a suit’s appropriateness to a job interview or a funeral. As much fun as that is, it can get understandably too intellectual. It would be great if these philosophical discussions would be enough to evangelize people to menswear (or make a strong case for it), but all of this is missing how people actually connect with it. We need the fun.
That’s where Sheila comes in. Her book is obviously not about menswear, but I think that there is a lot that a menswear (or fashion) enthusiast can glean from it. Her book is a bit of a memoir and manifesto, juggling anecdotes and literary/cultural references to encourage people to reevaluate what it means to “hang out” and ultimately do it. Each chapter is about a different form of hanging out and are as follows:
- Hanging Out At Parties
- Hanging Out With Strangers
- Jamming As Hanging Out
- Hanging Out On TV
- Hanging Out On the Job
- Dinner Parties as Hanging Out
- Hanging Out On The Internet
- How To Hang Out
There is a lot I like about Liming’s book. Firstly, her definition of hanging out is intentionally loose and malleable. She says that it is “about daring to do nothing much and….daring to do it in the company of others…[It’s] about blocking out time and dedicating it to the work of interacting with other people, whoever they might be”. She makes a point to say that this includes things that are accidental and improvisational as well as the ones that are planned. Liming brings up weddings, conferences, and even lunches with her elderly friends, who were so open to see her despite not remembering who she was (for a minute). This friend was simply down to hang. People aren’t usually like that!
The title of the book contains the word “radical”, because this method of spending time contrasts how other people typically do it. With the Pandemic, it is easy to fall into the trap of retreating inward and bringing your interactions with others (hanging out or not) to a minimum. On the flip side, the rise of Hustle Culture and posturing for Sponcon means that free time should be used productively; everything we do should be about getting and increasing our bag. There was a viral tiktok that featured a guy saying “if you aren’t talking to your friends about business, what are you even talking about?” Liming’s call to Hang Out is in direct opposition to all of that.
This ethos is best explained in her chapter on “Jamming” where she said that her best experiences in music was spent with a band that spent most of their timing jamming and improvising. This wasn’t practice, where they needed to prep for a show or recording. This was purely for “fun”, or rather personal enjoyment. There was even an anecdote where her group was joined by a few randos when they were in a musically-centric town. Her time with this band seemed to outshine when she performed with a band that was actually focused on being “good” and commercially successful.
Liming addresses this lack of pragmatism by bringing up Adorno and his critique of “free time”. Adorno says that free time doesn’t actually exist, since most things (like hobbies) are meant to reinvigorate the worker to become productive again. Most “free time” activities are about consuming to stay relevant, such as watching TV or collecting stamps, things used to build up identity when not at work, though work is still what is “meant” to give us the most meaning. It’s also important to note that Hanging Out is best done at what sociologist Ray Oldenburg calls “third places”, places that are not home (first) or work (second). Places like coffee shops and bars prevent social malaise, providing a break from movement patterns that are resigned to being home-to-work and back again.
Liming posits that Hanging Out is something to do that is not a simple distraction from work and is a way to take back free time as something purely for yourself. It is here that she brings up the sublime or rather, the beautiful experiences that are not made for man (pragmatism). It is in Hanging Out that we can find the sublime, granted that this involves taking the time and a bit of risk (aka the sublime is not found by being too safe).
As you can obviously tell, I really like and agree with Liming’s philosophy. We need to make time to do things with people who make us happy simply because…we can. It’s easier than one would think. In the Dinner Party chapter, she says that anything can be a dinner party: fancy catered ones, potlucks, cookouts, burgers on the side of the road. Liming says that a dinner party is an “invitation to experience intimacy, but also a reminder that intimacy can actually be obtained through pretty humble means”.
The book fits in neatly with my blog post on Occasion. It is not about the ones that happen to us (like job interviews or funerals) but about the situations that make us excited. Hanging Out simply adds other people to the mix. Liming has a section about the aspirational aspect of Dinner Parties, where she reminds us of the hypotheticals people do around their dream guests. I agree that aspiration factors into my Occasions, though it is not so much about the guests but about the lives we live in at that moment. In my boba hangs, trivia nights Dinner Parties, we exist for company, free from obligations for that moment. That ease is what makes it Hanging Out and the intention and excitement we have for it is what makes it an Occasion. I’m just here to make a case for menswear as being one of the looks you could wear for such things, to put on a Happy Suit and have fun with your friends.
I do think that menswear could benefit from Hanging Out. A call to spend time with friends “doing nothing” (aka with no pragmatic goal) is a great way to emphasize the fact that clothes, specifically menswear, is for fun. Having that “Hanging Out” mindset is one of the ways we can delve into personal style and see the expressions that really make us happy, instead of solely dressing for external reasons.
To be fair, it’s not that this doesn’t exist. There are many guys out there who wear suits intentionally when hanging out (aka not just finance guys). However, such groups still tend to be centered around the industry or at least have guys who aspire to figure within it (as a designer, buyer, journalist, etc). This isn’t a bad thing! Just look at Pitti, where many menswear pals get an excuse to hang out and talk shop (and generate a little marketing). Liming does dedicate a chapter to discuess the Hanging Out that happens at conferences.
Obviously these people are actual friends and not only colleagues or collaborators, but I will say that the vibe of Hanging Out would be different if these people were not officially affiliated within the menswear or luxury industry. Granted, it’s rather rare for people to be dressed/into clothing in this way and not have career aspirations within it (or social media). I’ve met a lot of people who think that they can’t do this because they aren’t working in the menswear industry or have a creative career. I think that this is sad, since this is another way menswear can be pigeonholed into an inaccessible area. Hell, there are times when I am concerned about my own unofficial link to that world since it can create a bias; I don’t even work in menswear anymore, not even in a freelance or consulting capacity.
I believe that True Hanging Out is way to get people to expand their minds on when classic menswear can be worn. That’s why it’s been so important for me to share all the hangs that I do, especially when it involves people who are pure enthusiasts and don’t work in the industry. Obviously I have friends who do work in it in a variety of capacities, but that’s more the case in places outside of Los Angeles, a city that is a classic menswear desert. I think that this link between dressing and being disinterested in a #menswear career (or true influencer-dom) is one way that makes dressing up closer to discussions of it as “art” (or a hobby).
EDIT (6/25/23): I also think that this plays into why I don’t consider myself an Influencer. For influencers, everything is a hustle or at least has a propensity to become a hustle. A trip to a coffee shop is a way to show off newly sponsored clothes, all while trying to get a deal (or being open to one) with the coffee shop itself. Friends who are along for the ride are either not documented (as they kill the vibe) or they are forced to be included in the narrative being sold. Liming discusses this in her chapter “Hanging Out on TV”, where she calls back to when a friend of hers became a host of a reality show.
I do not like the title of Influencer for that reason. And when I hang out, I truly believe that there are no labels. We are all friends. We are there to have fun and enjoy each other’s company! No one is better than the other. Again, maybe this is because I’ve been doing this for a long time, but my friends don’t consider me anything special. They know I’m there to hang out and that I like to take photos (of everyone).
There are no ulterior motives or a perfect vibe to uphold in front of the camera. The camera is there to record the moment unfolding in front of us. The camera is privileged to be there with us and we welcome it as we welcome each other.
This leads me to another definition of Hanging Out, which Liming mentions in the introduction. She posits that Hanging Out as a method of involving yourself with the world you inhabit. This includes friends, co-workers, colleagues, but this could also be with things that shape your desires. I would call these things ideas, which could be gathered by hanging out with books, art, and media. For Liming, writing “constitutes a kind of hanging out with the ideas and books…who have shaped [her] thinking.” I would say the same thing about this blog, as each entry helps me engage with how I think about everything: clothing, art, relationships, media. And quite obviously, this can apply to clothes.
I feel like the action of looking at inspo online or even through your wardrobe and making outfits as they call out to you (even if you don’t change into them at that moment), is a kind of Hanging Out with [clothing] ideas. I’d even count just being a flaneur and taking in the world around you. This is not about being passive but being engaged and intentional with Hanging Out. It’s simply a way to dive deep into our appreciation of clothes. And when we do it, we either end up honing our tastes or finding something new to explore.
Mark Cho has said that his watches are let pets, but I like to take it further. To me, clothes are my friends. They are a true companion that I enjoy hanging out with, whether its one on one (in my house or a solo coffee date) or with extended company. This may be weird, but I truly think that this is one of the reasons why I love my clothes and why this whole “hobby” is very personal to me, being almost like a relationship. If Hanging Out can nurture human friendships, it can certainly do the same thing with our clothing relationships.
Hanging Out then becomes an activity that gives us something we normally couldn’t get to in our pure, unintentional isolation . It at least provides a higher propensity for forming deeper relationship and at times, epiphanies. Liming says that Improvisation when Jamming can lead you to new places, with concepts to be used in future implementation. Liming brings up Fred Moten’s understanding of “Study”, which is the middle ground between practice and jamming. It is a place of repetition and inherent, irreversible intellectuality that can come about when “talking and walking around with other people.. dancing, [and] suffering”.
Such activities prove useful, enriching our lives in a simple way. Though we obviously shouldn’t just set out for them pragmatically. We gain stories, experiences, insights. It can be an epiphany, like a new lick you get during a jam session. It could also be a fun fact a friend says at dinner. We might like a color combination our host wears to trivia. Maybe we pick up a new joke or see an inspo photo we haven’t seen yet. These things are sublime we should strive for!
Liming says that Hanging Out requires Taking Time, Risks, Intentionality (to create opportunities for it) as well as Care and Heart. Each of these things can be directly applied to menswear (specifically in our style), but I think it should be used with how we wear menswear.
The clothes we wear should exist outside of pragmatism. We should set time to wear our favorite fits doing whatever we happen to be doing. I can understand that wearing a full suit to sit at home at the computer or watching Netflix isn’t compelling, but that’s where Hanging Out comes in. Taking yourself on a solo date to a coffee shop in a grey DB or wearing a beret to the bar with your pals is a way to make these style moves feel as natural as bringing up a random fact or a funny anecdote to share at the dinner party table. All of these things need confidence (heart) and that only comes with repetition.
Having Heart is about pushing yourself to the sublime. It’s why I talk about wearing menswear with your non-menswear friends. It’s like taking a chance to go on a hike or maybe going to a new bar you haven’t been to before– they reveal what we truly like and what is authentic to us. We can see what we’re comfortable with or even push our baseline further into boldness if needed. On that note, we need to also Take Care. We don’t need to do things we know will not be good for us. I don’t wear tuxedos with my non-menswear friends. But let’s look at another example.
You may have heard me talk about the different local Asian American groups I’ve been a part of. Some are creative focused, but most are centered around the general idea of hanging out. They include coworking from boba cafes, kbbq nights, or going to a bar for a drink. Event hosts and attendees are always different, making for a unique experience every time. I love going because I like Hanging Out. It’s not as wild as going to a bar by myself but it’s also full of people I don’t know who are not familiar with me or my very noticeable hobby. But despite that, there is a camaraderie that is still different from coworkers and pre-existing friends.
Every event I’ve been to has been great, full of new friends and great conversations with topics that I wouldn’t have necessarily had in my regular circles. And in each one, I still remain dressed as myself, in an outfit that perhaps a few people may not necessarily do (at least as a first impression). Thankfully it has always worked out and these strangers have always been nice and at times, even curious!
Maybe this is the flaneur in me, but I believe that it is through my dedication to Hanging Out that I know non-menswear people can understand expressiveness and are often looking for a way to do it in their own way. They just need encouragement and a way to connect with it that isn’t pragmatic, inaccessible, or even outside of their context.
I love Hanging Out.
Funnily enough, I think that menswear is what gave me an excuse to talk about hanging out and all the things I do with my friends. So much of my life revolves around it, in a reasonable way of course. It may seem like I’m always online since I’m posting, but as a friend pointed out lately, I am notoriously not on my phone when I’m with other people. Hanging Out is a way for me to compartmentalize work and my own goals of writing, archiving, and even making fits into oblivion. It is a way for me to let go and have fun, while still building upon my experiences. Hanging Out is not a passive activity.
Anyway, go and read Sheila Liming’s book Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time! I think it’s great and certainly applicable. It can be a bit of motivation-y, but I like to think of it more as a manifesto than self-help (or even a super studied social dive). A few chapters can feel a bit Luddite or social media weary, no doubt due to the age of the author and being a post-pandemic book. The chapter on the internet feel a bit heavy handed, as it ignores the very real ways people can Hang Out on the internet, providing experiences, Improvisation, and Study that you may not get in your immediate context. It is not a replacement for the Tangible, but rather a supplement to it. Again, I’m someone who always pushes for in-person stuff as much as possible. I’m also pushing for hanging out to be done in some form of tailoring (if you’re into that sort of thing).
We need to encourage people to Hang Out again and often. In fact, I don’t think that you “do” whatever my philosophy is on menswear without making time to Hang Out. They go hand in hand, informing each other, and creating connections and experiences that create our identity.
It’s why so many blog posts are about this very thing.
END. Now enjoy some photos.
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Always a pleasure,
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a little bit of rest 
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